Here’s a thought I had while showering today: the problems I face in my day-to-day life are absolutely first-world problems. I would never compare them to the grave issues we face in the broader world. The ending may be anti-climactic, so I understand if you don’t want to read on. The gist is that having the ability to choose whether to make certain decisions—like switching jobs, career building, or family planning—is indeed a privilege. I recognize that many people did not and do not have this ability.

As of late I’ve been pondering what I want with life in the future. The life I want to build. Who I am, who I am becoming and who do I want to be. It’s only fair to provide you with this context before I start explaining the conundrum to you.

My husband tells me I have been successful in my career as I have been lucky enough to see growth since I started out in the corporate sphere. The arbitrary titles and salaries aside, I do feel quite lucky to see the growth in my ability to navigate complex situation and the maturity to solutionise things at a more human level. Yet when I reflect on my trajectory at a birds-eye level it makes me sad.

Why? O charming potato why?

I’ve been lucky to find something I love doing. You know those cliched “find what you love and you’ll never feel like you’re working” stuff? – Yep that love. It’s not been easy and I’ve jumped through a decade of arch-assholes (see my last post), teams and industries to get here. But in spending my energy to get here my new challenge is finding the right place where I can do what I love. Culture is so damn hard to find regardless of your ability. When you love what you do but not where you do it – you become this constant tension filled potato. And let me tell you my lovelies, that that tension catches up with you REAL quick.

But surely theres a fix?

Of course there is. There’s always a fix. However, those fixes go way beyond the power of the potato.

Have you ever fallen in love with the potential of someone—the idea of them? My romance with my career has been similar, always leading me to a hope-filled place where my career and I would live happily ever after. Only in recent years, after meeting my very stoic husband, have my rose-tinted glasses come off. I’ve opened my eyes to the reality of the brutal, corrupt, and selfish capitalistic world we work in today. This reality leaves me with two paths:-

1. Continue my hopeless pursuit for culture where I can help someone else’s vision while attaining my career goals
   or
2. Start a whole new venture for myself and try make the world a tiny bit better for me and those that want to join me.
   • I have created this page today – I’m terrified it’ll fail but I also can’t just sit around. If you are curious on what it looks like: check it out here

Both choices are terrifying and frankly uncertain. I could end up in this cycle again. It makes me think. It makes me think how privileged am I to to even have the ability to make these decision (regardless of whether it’s fruitful). And I’m every so grateful. It makes me think if you’re lucky enough to have these privilege and you care enough, why in the hell would you not take a chance?

Careers and professional bullshit aside, I’ve also reflected on my personal goals.

Growing up I was honestly a very oblivious child. I kind of just glided through life. I wish I’d been more aware – how I am today. I never really know what I wanted to do but I always felt when something didn’t sit right with me. I was called rebellious because I didn’t agree with traditional conventional stuff people were throwing at me because it did not make sense to me. Get an education – go to university – get a job, get married, have babies, enjoy retirement, die.

Why did getting and education mean I have to learn THIS way? Why can’t I learn THAT way? What if university is not the right choice for me? (spoiler – it wasn’t). Why do I need a job? What I study something for 5 years and then i hate it? Am i not stuck doing that!? Why Do i HAVE to get married? What if i am happy co-habiting all my life? Why would you want to have children? They’re cute for about two hours but then they need SO much from you? Why do i have to wait until retirement!? Can i not live my life before that?

All questions I grew up with. By the time I was in my late teens I’d distanced myself from it all and I was already off-path. I will spare all the details of my 20s but I’ll bring you to this, At the ripe age of 31 I am now happily married. I never thought I would be. I never wanted to be. Until I met my wonderful husband. It all changed – he bought the calmness and patience I’d never had in my life. I WANTED to marry this one. Being the human he is also made me understand why people want and have kids (the responsible conscious adults that plan for kids, not accidents or surprises). It feels like the right logical step for us to grow our ow little world. Bring on our own little human that can bring some more good into the world. (we hope).

I dont know how quickly this will happen for us, we are relatively healthy potatoes but the fact that we made this decisions when we were ready. When WE wanted. Is yet another privilege. I know that the conventional life dictates the life of a lot of the women residing in the eastern hemisphere. I feel for you all. I again am grateful to make this choice when I feel (mostly) ready to do so. A lot of you never got to live your dreams or find the right partner for YOU. I’m sorry life did that to you. I hope the children you brought onto this planet brought you an ounce of joy that you so well deserve. If you ever cross paths with me I hope I can help you.

And so my lil space on the internet I’m done writing for today. I hope those that of you that are in the same space as me take a minute to understand these decisions and choices are privileges. I hope you remember to stay kind because a lot people out there don’t have the same and are fighting their own battles. I hope we support each other.

Until my next thought & when I have some more time,

CP x