Finding Meaning Beyond Work: A Personal Journey

Floating through life I guess?

The past few weeks of my life have been busy, but pondering it over now, I achieved nothing, well, nothing meaningful anyway. You know when you’re busy for the sake of being busy?

I have been thinking about where my time is going, and honestly, it seems to be draining away in work. A place that would very well replace me within an hour if I dropped dead tomorrow. It got me thinking, if I did NOT do this, where else could I pour my energy into? Turns out I dont have very many options and that in itself is a problem.

Right, let’s therapize through writing, guys.

So my problem: I don’t want to spend (most) my energy on work, especially as I don’t reap the benefits for said work. I also do not have anything else I’m passionate about that makes me want to invest in it.

*My husband and family don’t count in this because they have a reserve of energy forever dedicated to them ❤️

The catch 22. I envy those of your who have your own businesses to warrant the energy spent into building it. I envy those of you who have a hobby they LOVE doing. For me, my passion is my the job I do. the JOB not the people, the company etc. I cant find anything else that gives me the same dopamine hit.

I have tried to be a gym girl – I can’t. I just don’t enjoy it. I do however, understand why it’s important to stay healthy, so will do what I can to maintain it.

I tried to paint (by numbers) and while it’s an amazing hobby to zen me out, its not “complex enough” to keep me stimulated.

I tried to learn something new, but my ADHD brain gave up when I couldn’t make progress quick enough.

What is a good place to start, guys? I need something that’s a mess, which I can unpick and tame.

In my youth, this was relationships. I always picked men who had troubles, and I would take on the challenge to “fix” them. Spoiler: you can’t fix people. You cannot help anyone who does not know they need help. You end up with a fuck tonne of heartbreak and frustration.

In my adult ERA, I have way less tolerance of people, so the peace I found in my husband is not one I’m willing to forgo. Thus, I channel my “fixing” efforts into work-driven challenges. Which in the grand scheme of things, is a step in the right direction I suppose.

You could argue that perhaps going out there to “meet your tribe” is a solution. Experiment etc. I hear you but my potatoes, it’s not that simple is it? I have my core group with a bunch of potatoes I love, but they are busy with their own adult lives. Have you ever noticed how its so hard to make friends as an adult? (especially outside of colleagues). The population seems to be losing its social skills, and perhaps to an extent, so am I? There is also the added layer of complexity that everything is ever more expensive. I’m surprised there isn’t a boredom tax or breathing tax.

I don’t know potatoes, it’s hard. What is the alternative to consuming TV shows across several streaming platforms? Where does a potato that wants to enjoy her own company go? Am I spiralling when I should be grateful to be in the position I am in?

I dont know.

Hoping for a less frustrated week ahead.

CP xx