Purr-fect leadership. Catty or chatty?

I struggled with the title; let it go.

I’ve been thinking about putting hand to keyboard over this topic for a while, but there is always something that gets in the way. There are so many subsections within “leadership” that need to be dissected and updated, but being the selfish potato I am, I’ve decided to explore the one that’s closer to home.

Woman Leaders – Why are the kind, empathetic and secure leaders so far and few in between?

I have worked in companies large (one of the big 4 consultancies) and small (at the time we were less than 50 people!). Every time I’ve been assigned a woman manager i’ve felt more nervous. I’ve had the luxury of having some INCREDIBLE female leaders but I must admit most of my experience has been the catty type. It got me thinking why?

Proving one’s worth?

More often than not, my collision with the female leaders boils down to how they want to be perceived. I’m pretty certain various studies out there conclude women have more anxieties over their self-image and self worth but is battling with other women the right way to overcome that?

As I get older, I’m learning to be secure in myself and understand my limitations. For me, it’s an exercise to take a second and assess where I’m at because I’ve been burnt out so many times before. I wonder if that would help some of this behaviour/power struggle. Especially when you work in MASSIVE corporations, where there is plenty of room for everyone to grow and shine, mostly because of the large list of things to be done. When it comes to the smaller places where the “space” is a struggle, do you need the title and the perception to get far? Surely it’s the result that enables your growth, and if there is one thing I’ve learnt in my decade-long career, it’s that you cannot do it alone.

Are we here because of the consequences of the “virtual” world?

I firmly believe we’re losing the human touch. The human connection that we naturally have. The screen time and digital world are isolating us more than ever, and perhaps to stand out from that is the reason why some of the leaders we know are feeling as though they need to scream louder to be heard.

Honestly, it could very well be that because of the non-connection, I’m being overly sensitive and unable to recognise that the behaviour I feel is catty, is in reality not the intention at all. I’d be lying if I didn’t think the digital world is not least a little to blame, but this theory is the least likely scenario to me.

The demand of being the all-in-one woman – is it too much?

In a world (developed world at least), is it the demand for women to be everything to everyone becoming too much to handle? From having a career to being expected to be the primary caregiver to the family, is the demand getting so high that the pressure is making us forget our human side? I’ve seen the struggles and pressure the leaders I work with have. It’s hard. And that’s only part of the life I witness, I cannot imagine the other pressures and struggles they have to deal with once they enter their personal life.

Like many things in life, has the example of “great” been drafted after a “male”-dominated sample size and thus adopting it is making us go against each other?

I’ve thought about this as I was writing the above, and I’m willing to bet quite a bit that this may be the cause. I work within the banking sector, and if you aren’t aware, it is a sector that is heavily male-dominated, and I’ve had all my career in tech – another male-dominated field. When we get onto all-company all-hands or other “big” team calls, it should come as no surprise to you that most of the population of leadership is men. They become the role models, and they are the people who “help” you get ahead. They impart their wisdom onto you, which could be another reason as to why female leaders go astray. We’re trying to conform to the patriarchal capitalistic corporate culture that never considered “kindness” a win of any sort.

Look at the end of the day, I’m a small fish in the ocean, and I don’t have any of the answers. I have the gift of observation and free time. I write to help me process and maybe connect to some of you out there who feel the same.

I got to thinking about this topic because I was lucky enough to have a kind leader come into my radar recently. A lady who is a force of nature, and she asked me some pretty tough questions to toughen me up. I wish I had someone like that early on in my career – perhaps I could have been more successful. It was in this retrospection, I came to realise how many bad female leaders I came across, certain behaviours/traits that the bad leaders shared (and the good, to be honest).

Until next time you wonderful potatoes,

CP xx